I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
