DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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