i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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