I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
