I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My pussy is not your playground.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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