he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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