Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
