sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
