I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
