We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
