im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
