Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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