New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize