you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
