hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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