Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
