Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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