I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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