speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
