i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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