Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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