i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didn't notice because vodka
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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