I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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