Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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