I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
...so i touched it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
