she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You ate ashes out of my bong
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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