I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
