And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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