If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
