Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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