After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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