He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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