I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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