Kiss
Puke
grandma shit on top of the toilet
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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