butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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