I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
