New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
