I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
