Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
