do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
