My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
