no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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