I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
