some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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