WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
