I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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