Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
