Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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