Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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