Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The power of my boobs compel you
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
