I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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