are you still at the devil's house?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
