So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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