My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
