FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize