I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
