if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
