Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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