Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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