Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
